First and Last, minus the leasing.

1st: "Hey"
Me:"Hey you ;)"
1st: "9th n henderson. help"
Me:"What?"
1st: "I feel like im about to pass out..."
Me: "Wait henderson, which one?"
one minute elaspes.....two minutes elapse....five minutes elaspe....ten minutes come
Me: "no text back? really."
one minute elaspes....two minutes elapse...five minutes elaspe....
Me: "????????"

I lay next to my phone waiting, *im waistin time* I lay my head into the pillow, dreading to see what time it was...3:52am. I threw back my covers, slipped on my White Ace 83's by my bed side and slipped on my black bubble jacket on my chair...trying to convince myself that when i turn our alarm system off and sneak out the house to pick up the only person that i really trusted and loved that my mom would understand or atleast believe the elaborate story i was starting to develope as i brushed back my hair. I crepted to the front door, I listened behind me trying to identify each person's snore, I pressed each button fast so it would just be one big echo of sound ringing thru the house...I ripped open the door, on your mark, knowing it would be a matter of minutes before they woke trying to investigate, get set, I closed the door as quickly and quietly as i could, GO, and i sprinted off to my mercury topaz and sped the fuck off....Two henderson's in seattle...One in the South end and one in the west....Fuck, Fuck, Fuck...

That was about two and a half years back, but it brought me back to what happened last night. So last night i get a text at ten minutes til 2 in the morning. Everyone i know, knows that's after 1 = Booty call or emergency call hours....not "hi, how you doing" hours. So i off top think, butt or somethings wrong...either way i text and it ends up being a drunkard's 5 minutes of "hey how's ur night? okay good night" kinda thing so i kinda flashed because that's totally pointless and disappointing...i mean thanks for thinking about me and checkin in but...i hella didn't get that.

So this morning, better understandin that what really bothers me about that situation stems from my past. My first was an alcoholic and at all times of the night and morning he'd text me random lines and phrases, lil calls for help and i had to hop in my car, and roll around Seattle and surrounding areas tryna look for him before he passed out off the little clues he sent me. I worried so much with him...because I actually loved, adored and was in love with him. Which is a definite rarity.

I remember all my ex's hittin me up drunk and i'd get like a little anxiety episode and eventually, because i had dated 21+ back then they always had access to alcohol and clubbed like thursdays and mondays....so they hit me up during my school week and it used to just piss me off so i requested that they dont hit me up under the influence enless they needed something or it was an emergency. Not to mention while i was talkin/dating other guys, I still was taking care of my first [we were off and on like a light switch in a hospital bathroom...the other guys just preoccupied my time when me and my first weren't on solid terms.] so my phone was always getting texts from 1 to atleast 6 in the mornin, school started at 7:40.

So That random text last night took me back...and i didn't know how to go about especially when the last text said "well okay im about to pass out....night" i automatically got that feeling...the immediate question in my mind was "pass out where." And then I caught myself before i went any further. I was mad and disappointed in myself. I cant even really explain how people i like being drunk textin or callin at random times, saying random things or phrases makes me feel other than panic, disappointment and bewilderment. If i was any other person...I'd probably laugh back in a text and said good night. But because I'm me, I lashed out, tryin to shove the past incidence intertwined with the present situation as far away from me as possible, i couldn't help it....

I told the person they were corny by their randomness, what's goin thru their head, what do they want... Some how i thought it was a terrible prank. The person couldn't have known that about my past...seldom people know about the life i lead before i relocated out to Pullman, but it still doesn't mean it didn't happen, it doesn't mean that little shit like a text message at 2 in the mornin doesn't make me worried, panic, angered, disappointed....and what makes it worst is your names are the same...

I sent the person a text that simply said "sorry." this morning. I knew the person would never get it...why i flashed, why i tripped....it wasn't their fault. I hope they run across this, or they just get over it and say well "bitches, pms" because i definitely came at you wrong and overracted.

A night out drinkin with ur friends, hittin someone up just to fuck around and say hi, and it fires back on you?

sorry.