stressed about it...

I got something on my mind aight so im gonna kick it to you the way it's coming out.

Passed the romanticized, young minded, and indecisive nature of being a female [naturally].... i was taught to be as logical, decisive and ambitious [mentally] as possible, because naturally if that wasn't beaten into me to be mentally stern and direct, i'd be caught up in the clouds and not grinding.
My father always stressed "don't let people take advantage of you, because i know you have the horrible tendency of being kind-hearted and charitable like ur mother"...he never liked my mother breaking her back for people and getting paid with the satisfaction of knowing she did a good deed versus getting money. I guess that was part of a "man's code." Time goes by people will use you, money can moderate and depreciate a service, especially if you need the money and they need the service, something in the name of money can make people dislike you...but service+money=even exchange.
I disliked my father because he wasn't nuturing and understanding, he was cruel BUT he had no problems when it came to people, they KNEW what to do, what to expect, because he commanded certain things that were completely understandable; even exchanges. He said "Key, the only thing that dont need to pay you now is your husband and ur kids...that's because they'll all pay you later." I thought my dad was an asshole and we had to accept it. He used to "whoop" me and tell me that he didn't owe me shit.

Readers, you may think that's barbaric or child abuse but that's how i was taught:
"Prior planning prevents piss poor performance," "stop getting used," "If you're mad scratch your ass and get glad," "Why are you crying? Do you want something to cry about?" "stop all that MICKEY MOUSE garbage"

All shit that was beat into me, "You might get mad at life, you got to measle up your own happiness, if you cry and whine at life, there's bigger issues in life that you could cry about, so stop your ridiculousness, shut the hell up and know the dynamics of something before anything happens to you...so you can adequately get this money."

And I had to accept that......

So i do hair...hell i can practically do anything...I braid, I weave, I perm, I flat iron and curl....ALL my people have paid me some how, some way...I had a nigga i havent charged...everyone was like "dog you need to charged him", i braided his hair a good 5 times in a spand of 1st and 2nd quarter freshmen yr IF that...so when i got with him...all the people was like well he ur nigga now so i guess, he STAYED braided up, elaborate ass shit [fishbones into a hearts, zig-zags, spirals, etc.]

...now when i lost my financial aid and got kicked outta school, i didn't talk about the shit, my fridge stayed empty because my ass aint gonna buy groceries or eat, I'll manage so I was either braiding up this Haitian girls hair, my old roommates hair, my hair and my home girls hair alternating gettin money....and when i wasn't doin hair i was with him. So him and i are friends now ;)...and the homies are like yo if you're gonna continue to braid his hair, he gotta pay if we're all payin this one dude cant have free-be's just because of ya'lls past history and u should tell him early so u dont look like a spiteful bitch. :( i hated that part...like you don't even know how bad...but logical me was like "times are hard and ur friends are right, get money, he's ur nigga, he'll understand, just a little 10 bucks for some flyy ass braids aint shit cuz that's the discount of all discounts"

People in the town(seattle) charge 15-20 for the shit i do, with recession and times being... people are uppin prices with EVERYTHING because times is gettin hard. I'm a full time student(i'm back in school), no financial aid and no income rollin thru....is it bad to ask the dude for atleast 10? I dont wanna look spiteful...It's not my M.O. but let's be honest and frank...I do good ass work for hardly shit ya know...so when i get hit with the "when is this become a business transaction" i feel like shit charging but man...

i hope you'll understand, im not being spiteful, come on....you should know me better than that. You supposedly trust me and i walked around butt naked around u="i trust you." I did shit for you , to you, and you've seen first hand that should let you know i dont grease enless i've been oiled down....and ur the last person in the 509 that I'd be spiteful and ill will towards. I wasn't playing when i said i was "dude minded" [a nigga] and any nigga would all in all would get money right? Fuck the feelings, fuck if they get mad or not, fuck if we're still doing shit on the low or not, fuck if we're friends or not...it's and even exchange not complicate by feelings, hostilities, or relations....it's a flat rate. You should appreciate my services enough to understand where im coming from and the situation....

My people say that's life, he gotta pay...my father says that's life, they all gotta pay....Life is messed up when you tell people shit like that...i wish everything in life was free...but then again im not thinking realistically.